I am writing a book.

I recently announced on Instagram I have started writing my first book. I waited for months to finally announce it publicly, trying the terror of uttering the words, "I'm writing a book" on for size with my family and friends first. For the record, both saying and writing the words still feels scary.

Suffering has been a larger part of my life than I ever could have imagined. As most of you know, I became ill at 2o years old as a junior in college. Though illness has not been the only thing in my life since then, it has dramatically shaped and formed my experience for nearly nine years. 

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A story about illness sounds depressing, right? But a story about the multiplying joy of Hope in the mire of suffering—that’s a story I cannot keep to myself.

In a culture allergic to grief, we are often loathe to find hope articulated honestly enough to fit the contours of our private suffering. But the longer I live with pain and the comfort of knowing Jesus, the more I know I have to share my story as boldly as I am able. 

I hope to weave together three important narratives to empower others to experience joy in their own suffering: 

  1. My experience of chronic illness illustrates the power of relationships to mediate meaning and hope in the midst of suffering. 
  2. As a therapist, I find my experience of transformative relationships echoed in the insights of interpersonal neurobiology: our brains thrive most in empathic, secure relationships, so much so that our brains retain the ability to heal from trauma and pain in response to relational attunement. 
  3. My story and the insights of interpersonal neurobiology are ultimately brushstrokes of the larger picture of God's mysterious love toward humanity in the person of Jesus Christ. Within God's Story, our stories of suffering gain unparalleled meaning and life-changing hope. 

Suffering can catalyze joy. And it happens through relationships. I hope and pray my story touches your own, bringing possibility alongside your great sorrow. 

Realistically, writing a book on suffering while continuing to suffer with illness and pain means this book could take a long time to write. But I will press on. I'm closer to the beginning than end of this process, but I am glad to have started and to be including you.

Your pain, whatever its source, moves me. And the joy of Christ propels me. I pray we can find and dwell in Joy, and that my writing in some small way might draw us further into the love of the God who is coming again to make all things new.